Brainy Moms

Teaching Teens Healthy Eating with guest Claire Ketchum

• Dr. Amy Moore • Season 5 • Episode 508

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Does your teen have an unhealthy relationship with food? Want to learn some tips for nurturing and teaching your teen some heathy eating habits? Join Dr. Amy and Sandy on this episode of the Brainy Moms podcasts as they interview Claire Ketchum, the innovator of the Peaceful Eating Method.  Drawing from her own challenges with yo-yo dieting, Claire joins us to illuminate pathways for teens to develop positive body images and sustainable eating patterns. Together, we delve into the reasons why teens fall into unhealthy eating cycles and how parents can intervene with compassion and insight, fostering self-confidence and well-being without triggering defensiveness.

Dive into practical parenting strategies as we address teen stress and its impact on eating habits. We unpack the importance of identifying stressors, whether they stem from school, home, or social encounters, and how these can affect eating behaviors. Learn about effective techniques like the emotional freedom technique that can help manage stress and promote healthier habits. This discussion also touches on the delicate issue of self-esteem, especially for female teens, and how parents can model a healthy relationship with food to guide their children subtly.

Through empowering tools like positive self-talk, Claire offers strategies to help teens cultivate a resilient self-image. We explore how parents can encourage this growth by fostering open communication and collaborative decision-making about food choices. Uncover the challenges of immediate gratification and its influence on teens, as well as how structured habit shifts can lead to lasting lifestyle changes. Together, we provide a roadmap for parents and teens to break free from the dieting cycle and embrace healthier, more balanced lives.

Here’s a recap of what we talked about on this episode: 
 
• Recognizing the impact of stress on eating habits 
• The critical mother-daughter dynamic regarding body image 
• Tools for initiating conversations about food 
• Strategies for modeling a healthy relationship with food 
• Addressing the influence of social media on body image 
• Techniques for combating negative self-talk 
• Claire's programs for parents and teens 
• Encouragement for parents to embrace change and modeling behaviors 



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Dr. Amy Moore:

Hi smart moms and dads, welcome to another episode of the Brainy Moms podcast brought to you today by LearningRx Brain Training Centers. I'm Dr Amy Moore here with Sandy Zamalis, and Sandy and I are going to have a conversation with our guest, Claire Ketchum. Claire is the founder of the Peaceful Eating Method and Healthy Habits Coaching for Teens. She's a certified health coach through the Institute of Integrative Nutrition, a certified transformational nutrition coach through the Institute of Transformative Nutrition, and she holds a bachelor's degree in psychology and a master's in education. She's on a mission to teach moms how to help their teens maintain a feel-good weight and positive body image in school and beyond, so they never yo-yo diet and always feel confident and happy in their own skin. So let's welcome Claire Ketchum. Hello, hello, hi, Claire Welcome.

Claire Ketchum:

Thank you, good to be here, yeah good to have you here.

Dr. Amy Moore:

We're focusing our entire season five on tweens and teens, and we know that food is a big deal.

Claire Ketchum:

Yeah.

Dr. Amy Moore:

Yeah, with that age group, especially with girls, and just excited to dig in and have a conversation with you on how to help establish some healthier relationships with food in the tween and teen years. And I want to talk about that mother-daughter dynamic when it comes to food too, so that moms don't pass on some of their own struggles Exactly, especially if they're currently still struggling with it, which some moms are.

Dr. Amy Moore:

I would say a large percentage are right, even if it's not disordered eating, oh right. No, most women have some unhealthy thought patterns when it comes to weight.

Sandy Zamalis:

Claire, why don't you share with our listeners a little bit more about who you are and what you're passionate about?

Claire Ketchum:

Sure. So I am a transformational health coach and I help moms who are in that place where they're worried about some of the patterns and habits that they're seeing their teens adopt and they don't really know how to approach it or help them with it and they're maybe worried about that they're developing an unhealthy relationship with food or maybe they're eating too much junk food or whatever they might be worried about and they don't know how to approach it. And so I help moms bridge that gap with their teens and how to approach that and help them make better choices for themselves.

Dr. Amy Moore:

And what made you focus on that?

Claire Ketchum:

So when I was in college, that's when I first started gaining weight and I had developed the habit of any time I was stressed out or had a lot going on, I would eat a ton of candy, and so that was just my go-to habit.

Claire Ketchum:

And so when I gained weight, I tried to diet, and I was always super unsuccessful because I always went back to that habit of eating cookies or candy or brownies or whatever, and I just couldn't break that.

Claire Ketchum:

And so I spent 20 years dieting, really to weigh almost the same amount of weight and it was a lot of, but it was such a huge part of my focus all the time. And so when I was introduced to a different way, I became really passionate about sharing, like how just not to be stuck in this constant yo cycle all the time. And at the time I was working in a middle school with teenagers, and so I was and I worked one-on-one with them so I could nudge them and I let them meet in my classroom, depending on what time their class was, and so I would nonchalantly tell them you really shouldn't be drinking Gatorade at 930 in the morning, like that's not great for you. And so I started that way, and then, as I became more passionate about it, I eventually left the classroom and started working with teens full time and teach them how to change those habits.

Dr. Amy Moore:

Do you find that teens are more difficult to change habit patterns with than adults, or is there more resistance to change?

Claire Ketchum:

I have found, because when I first started working with teens, I worked with all sorts of reasons why, and so now I mostly focus on teens who have gotten to the point where they are feeling uncomfortable in their own skin and they want to lose weight and that's a goal for the teen specifically and so those teens are want to work with me and are very open to my suggestions. And the teens who I worked with who were more anxious and nervous and that's why the parents hired me they were very resistant to working with me. I didn't know what I was talking about, I was like, and that was always what I got from them. And so I decided that, since really the reason why I got into health coaching was to help teens never become yo-yo dieters and save people from doing what I did for 20 years, that I was going to more focus on that specific, because those teens were really open to making the change that they needed to change in order to be consistent with what they said they wanted to do.

Sandy Zamalis:

It sounds like you're really more education-focused and habit-building focused. So where do you start with these conversations? Is it more in that habit realm? You talked about identifying triggers like eating just because we're nervous or anxious. Where do you start with those kids?

Claire Ketchum:

So I always start with explaining to them why they gravitate towards food, and so I explain that as being stuck in the chronic stress loop, and so they'll have some sort of a stressor. And I go through the types of different stressors because people think of stress as just being anxious or nervous. But it can really be something that maybe you have daily stress, like you got stuff in traffic and you're late for school and that stresses you out. And or then you could have something maybe going on with a friend that's making you feel excluded or like you don't fit in, or maybe you feel rejected or lonely and things like. So that can activate the stress response. Also, you could be having a stressful emotion, so you could just be feeling really on edge or sad, depressed, and that's going to activate this.

Claire Ketchum:

It's all related to stress. Or you could have something going on in your family. Maybe someone in your family is sick, or maybe you're moving, or your family's going through a divorce. So all of these things activate the stress response and it doesn't really matter if it's someone made a side remark in the cafeteria or your parents are getting divorced, like they're all activating the stress response and they all activate the same pattern, and so once the stress response is activated, they have to have some way to reduce that stress. And if their go-to way has always been to eat something, then if they continue to do that throughout 13 years, then they'll likely continue to do it into their adulthood.

Claire Ketchum:

And so I explain that all of these little things can trigger them to eat food. And so it's not really about having self-control, it's really about understanding how to keep themselves out of that chronic stress loop, because once that stress gets activated, their thought patterns will start sabotaging with I'm a loser, I'm fat, I'm ugly, everybody hates me. And the brain's just natural tendency is to calm that stress response. And if food's the fastest way that their brain knows how to do it, it's going to drive them towards those behaviors over and over and over again, and that's how they develop into emotional and stress eaters that lead to unwanted manifestations later. I mean it might not be in high school Some, for some it is, for some it's not. But usually the teens I work with have been seeing those negative consequences of their choices, and that's why they want to work with me Teens who aren't seeing the negative consequences. I wouldn't necessarily see those kids going to help me feel better. Where does that initial?

Dr. Amy Moore:

behavior come from? Is it instinct? Where does that pattern start?

Claire Ketchum:

Well, I think it's what you fall into and it might be what I think it's natural for you. Some teens don't necessarily gravitate towards food. Some might go and shop online. Some people might zone out in front of a screen, some teens might pick fights with their parents or their friends and that sort of being in that anger is a way for them to feel like they have control. So it's just a way of having control. But food's just a really easy thing for teens to have access to.

Claire Ketchum:

I think that when I was growing up, food was the main one, and now there's. You know, online shopping wasn't a thing. Video games, the phone, like that, all wasn't a thing for us growing up. So I think there's more options for teens and so maybe that's why the less. But some have, some do, all of them some online shop and zone out on screens and eat like they pick and choose, you know. So it's really just. I think it's just sort of a natural gravitation and it might also have sometimes it has to do with access natural inclination to cravings. Some people just have more cravings than others in general, just naturally I would say it's from birth.

Sandy Zamalis:

Really, gosh, you cry. What do you? What does the first thing? Mom tries toddler. First thing. Let's have a snack, are you?

Claire Ketchum:

let's make sure we're not hungry or just how your parents dealt with things like oh you're sad, like let's make some cookies, like it's not necessarily Because it's a great. Actually it is a great way to reduce stress because it works. It makes us feel happier. But in the long term, if you have all these unwanted consequences, then it turns into a negative. So it can be positive, just like watching a show can be relaxing, but if you're watching five hours of TV and not doing your homework, then all of a sudden it's not relaxing. It's something that's become a problem.

Claire Ketchum:

So there's a fine line between it being something that's really helpful and then something that turns into a crutch eventually. But I mean, I personally grew up in a family where if there was dessert in the house, it was maybe there for 24 hours, and so there was this concept that if you didn't eat it, you weren't getting any, not any other food, just like cookies and ice cream and things like that. So that was the environment that I grew up in, and whereas if you don't grow in an environment like that, then maybe you wouldn't be as inclined to oh, it's in the house. I need to finish the whole thing.

Dr. Amy Moore:

So do you start with vultures onto the sugar?

Sandy Zamalis:

Yeah, exactly. So. Do you start with like why? Questions Like why are you eating right now? Are you trying to get them to start thinking through those habits for themselves so that they can isolate those thoughts of am I eating out of boredom? Am I eating out of anxiety? Am I hungry, what else can I do? Kinds of questions Am I eating out of anxiety? Am I hungry, what else can I do?

Claire Ketchum:

Kinds of questions. So what I is? I actually have a stress, something called a stress inventory that I do with the teens during their first coaching session, and so what that is, I will just go through their whole life and ask them what are some things that are stressing you out, like, how is your school, how is your home, how is your social life? Are stressing you out Like how is your school, how is your home, how is your social life, how do you feel?

Claire Ketchum:

Sometimes teens feel pressured by their parents to be thin, and that's causing them a lot of stress. Maybe they are feeling really insecure about their friendships, and so I start there. So I take an inventory and we figure out what are their current top stressors and then we work on habits based on what they are actually stressed out about right now, because if someone's parents are getting divorced, they're probably not as concerned about other things, that's probably. And so it's like how do you make them feel more in control about that and what are some things you could put into place to make them have strategies to reduce stress when things feel out of control for them? That doesn't involve them eating, and so it really depends what's going on and how they're responding to stress currently.

Dr. Amy Moore:

You said that you have the most success with teens who want to be there, who are saying, hey, I'm struggling with my weight or I'm noticing that I've developed these bad habits related to food and so I want help. What do you do or what advice do you have for moms who are concerned that their teen has developed some unhealthy eating patterns, who maybe has gained weight? But you don't want to make kids feel bad about themselves but at the same time, you want to help them develop healthier eating patterns. What's your advice to moms on how to even approach that?

Claire Ketchum:

I really ask would encourage moms to do exactly what I do is to explain that they're stuck in this chronic stress loop and help them see that it's not because they have no control or they have no willpower, but it's actually these patterns are being established by the stress response and that, and then helping them figure out what their stressors are and developing the habits. And so I do have a guide for parents to help them walk through that with their teens so that they can develop, help their teens figure out what works best for them.

Dr. Amy Moore:

But what does that even initial conversation sound like? Right, like I would, I have all boys. I didn't walk through this issue with my own children, but I would think that, especially with girls, you would have a little bit of anxiety about opening the conversation for the very first time. Right, because you don't want to hurt your child's feelings, you don't want to make them feel bad about themselves, but you do want to share your concern and help them. So what does that first sentence even sound?

Claire Ketchum:

like, if a teen isn't reaching out about it, like, how does a parent approach it? I think the best way to approach it if your teen isn't coming to you about a concern is I'm noticing that you're doing this and I would like to have a conversation with you about the underlying root cause of why you're doing that. And some teens will be open to that conversation and some teens will 100% not be open to that conversation. And because parents can say exactly the same thing that I would say and the reaction could be completely different from a teen to the parent than to someone like me who because I think teens will very often feel very judged by parents, no matter what. And so if you feel like that conversation, like your teen would not be open to that conversation, then I don't think it's helpful to have that conversation. Be open to that conversation, then I don't think it's helpful to have that conversation.

Claire Ketchum:

I think the best route for a parent would be just to model having a healthy relationship with food and to them and be a role model so that, as they grow, instead of seeing, wow, mom had a bad day at work and she's coming home and she ate a whole bag of Doritos. They're not seeing you do that and they're not seeing you criticize yourself all the time in the mirror and things like that. So you are developing that and you're modeling it so that for me, growing up, eating 20 cookies was normal in my household. There was nothing wrong with that in my head Not that I should have been shamed for it but also, I don't know, maybe not the best thing. So it's just violating what actually a healthy relationship with food is. I guess I eat these things, but I also don't gorge on them or use them in a way that's unhealthy, and sometimes it's more of a backdoor approach for parents. Just every teen is so different.

Sandy Zamalis:

It's so tricky. It's just so tricky because, especially as females, our self-esteem is tied in so tightly to our weight and all of those things. So, even having those conversations, I was thinking, as you were sharing what a parent should do that it might be beneficial for that parent to go through the checklist for themselves and then process out loud or verbalize that process for themselves as they're learning new stress-relieving tactics right as part of the modeling, because you can't just model Modeling doesn't always work because people have to be paying attention. But if you could verbalize that process, oh gosh, I'm feeling out and I just want to eat a bag of Doritos, but I think I'm gonna go walk.

Claire Ketchum:

Exactly, and when I started doing it, my kids I actually had my son like so one of my favorite techniques to reduce stress, because that's one of the so one of I have five healthy habit shifts that I have teens make and one of them is just to have go to ways to reduce stress when it comes up like throughout the day.

Claire Ketchum:

So that's one of the things I always work on with teens, and so the emotional freedom technique, or tapping, was one of my personal favorites and my son one time said to me like mom, I think you need to go do some tapping right now. And he, literally, because he saw me doing it, he obviously could tell that I was being a way nicer mom. So he was like, yeah, mom, you're out of here. I was like, yeah, good call, tobes, I'm out of here. And I went and tapped and I felt much better. But having those strategies that you're like, wow, I'm feeling really tense, I'm feeling this urge, and that's another thing that can be really helpful. It's like these urges to eat are just a signal that something has set you off and if you can figure what that is and calm and deal with that, that can be a really helpful strategy in general.

Dr. Amy Moore:

Right by asking yourself what is it that I'm really feeling right now? What is it that I really think I want right now? Because it isn't necessarily food.

Claire Ketchum:

Exactly and figuring that out and having ways to calm yourself so that you even have the space to ask yourself that question, because sometimes we can just be so reactive. You could be mad and you're shoving something in your mouth before you even realize it. But once you become aware, you're like, wow, I see myself doing that. And sometimes it's after, like at the beginning, sometimes you're like you're doing it. You're like, wow, that wasn't great, I'm wondering what's happening. And you could still, you know, go back and say, ok, what triggered me to do that? And do you just get better at catching yourself sooner and sooner?

Dr. Amy Moore:

So I work with parents who get super frustrated with the amount of junk food that their kids eat and I ask them who buys it, and then they have this aha moment that yeah, I buy it. So if you have 14 bags of Doritos and 12 packages of Oreos in your pantry and then you're complaining that all your kid eats all the time is junk food, then what are you doing to contribute to healthy eating for your kids? And so what are your thoughts on curating choices that would be appealing to teens? Because teens they like sugar and salt? Yeah, they all do. Do you have conversations about it or do you just fill your pantry with better options and hope for the best?

Claire Ketchum:

Or do you just fill your pantry with better options and hope for the best? I think the best approach is to have a conversation with your teen about what junk foods they actually like and figure out what are the things that you really want and always have those in the house. And so, versus if they really cheese it which my daughter was a huge cheese a person, so we just always had cheese it's but we had sort of family guidelines around eating cheese it's like you can't eat it in your bed, you can't eat it in front of a screen, you have to put it in a bowl, you can't eat it out of the box. And so just giving her parameters to how to eat Cheez-Its in a healthy way, versus just gorging on them like late at night when I wasn't around, or saying she can't have them, or not bringing them into the house and then. So what happens is when teens feel like they are part of the conversation, they are more likely to make decisions.

Claire Ketchum:

They're like OK, I don't actually want Cheez-Its all the time, because now I can have them all the time and I'm not going to eat this. I'm not going to eat 10 bags of something that's quote unquote healthier, that doesn't satisfy the craving and so it's just, I'm going to honor them. This is what I want. I know it's not great for me. And then along the line you can say, okay, maybe you're eating them five times a day, maybe let's try working only having them three times a day.

Claire Ketchum:

What do you think about that? Do you think that would work for you? And it's just having a conversation. Again, if your teen is willing to have a conversation because you don't want it to be a battle and that's like you just always want to avoid it causing tension, but if your teen is eating a box of Cheez-Its every single day, for an example, then maybe it is time and they won't listen to you and they won't have a conversation with you. Then it probably would be helpful to get outside support so that doesn't just become a habit that they just bring into adulthood with them.

Sandy Zamalis:

Weirdly in our house something that helped and it goes back to your cake example that you shared earlier. But for whatever reason, I think scarcity has a big issue with some of this. If mom brought home awesome snacks and then you've got three siblings and everybody's got, it's a fight for your right to have the snacks. When I found out that if I purchased things for my children and put their name on it and it was theirs and it wasn't community property, they ate it without they tried to make it last, they weren't binging and it showed up in silly things like Easter candy, like. I realized it when, like they each got their basket and I thought they would gorge but they didn't because that was their basket and they weirdly had a competition to see who could last longer and be like so sorry. I do think that scarcity piece plays a role. If your daughter loves Cheez-Its no one can you have a communal box of Cheez-Its, but this is her box of Cheez-Its and they have to last this amount of time, so you might want to parse that out.

Claire Ketchum:

I think that's a good point, because my kids like different things, so that was never a huge thing. So my son was a pretzel, my daughter was Cheez-Its. If there was cookies or something, they both liked it. But that's an interesting point that I hadn't really thought about.

Claire Ketchum:

And a lot of the teens I work with are at boarding school because I live and work at a boarding school, so that's a lot of the teens I work with are in that environment. And that's a very different environment because you're not dealing with siblings and really if you have food in your room, it's your food, and then you're navigating a dining hall. And how do you navigate a dining hall when there's lots of choices and there's dessert all the time and just having a space where you're just you're taking that pause and you're making decisions based on what you actually want and you're trusting yourself that I can make decisions about what I actually want right now and I know I can have it later and I don't need to eat a snack automatically just because everybody else is eating a snack and because I'm not actually hungry and maybe I'll have it later. And just having them start to have those conversations with themselves is so important as well.

Sandy Zamalis:

I know for you in a boarding school situation too, it really depends on what their life was like at home too, how that shows up at the boarding school, because if there was scarcity at home, then having all of those options is going to. I think, of every freshman in college, we always had the freshman 15. And depending on what your rules were at home, you get to college and all of a sudden you get whatever you want. Anytime Bars open, you can get cereal three times a day, ice cream bar, exactly. They're just doing it a little earlier, yeah, before they go to high school and stay at home. Yeah, but that mindset comes with them right, so that when they come to a boarding school situation, they've got to navigate that 100% 100%.

Claire Ketchum:

And the other thing that teens need to navigate, besides just managing stress and managing the choices that they're making, are putting other things into place that keep them out of the chronic stress loop, and so that's another important part that parents can help their teens do, and if you want me to go over those as well, I can Absolutely. Let's do it. Okay, the other so we talked about having strategies to reduce stress, and then the second one is obviously just teaching them how to have a healthy relationship with food and have that sort of balanced nutrition where you are enjoying some of the things that you like, but you're not doing it all like all day, all the time. There are plenty of students. I had one student I started working with him. He was eating Skittles for breakfast on his own. I was like, oh my gosh, you have ADD. What are you doing? That's literally the worst thing you could be doing for yourself, all the dyes.

Claire Ketchum:

So the next one is having things in their life that increase peace and joy.

Claire Ketchum:

So this is the concept that if you have things in your life that you find relaxing and or that make you happy, that is going to just, in general, keep you in a lower stress level, and so that's an important piece.

Claire Ketchum:

So that could be maybe you're doing something like volunteering that has been shown to increase people's joy and then increasing peace might be something like I feel so uneasy every single time I have a test because I feel like I'm going to fail and working with that team to help them come up with a study plan, or helping them learn better study skills, because that's not something that's. Study. Skills aren't necessarily taught by teachers, and some kids are good at it naturally, and some kids just have literally no idea how to go about studying. They're just the only thing they know how to do is maybe I'll just reread it a million times, so that's not really studying. So helping teens sometimes have some better study habits is a way for them to feel more relaxed and peaceful in their life. So that's a really important part of helping teens stay out of the chronic stress loop.

Sandy Zamalis:

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Claire Ketchum:

And then the fourth one is teaching your teen how to trust themselves.

Claire Ketchum:

And so lots of times me included like to micromanage my teenager's lives and tell them what to do all the time and how they're doing things wrong and how they should do it like I would want them to do it. But that's really unhelpful because they need to learn how what they actually like. My daughter is a huge procrastinator and I am like a way like I do things way ahead of time. I'm super organized and it stresses me out, but I know it works for her because that's what my husband's, and so I just had to let her procrastinate and write her paper like an hour before it was due and not freak out about it. But I had to let her, I had to trust her that she knew that it worked for her and and she it always did, and. But that's hard as a parent to let that go. And but if you are making your child do what you want them to do and then they're like that doesn't feel right to me and then they don't learn what they actually like.

Claire Ketchum:

And especially, we talked about what that with food is that am I hungry? Am I not hungry? Do I like to hang out with bigger people, or am I fine with just having one really close friend and that's fine with me. And because sometimes there's societal pressure that you need to be outgoing, you need to have tons of friends, you need to have a friend group, and maybe that's not actually what your teen wants, but they feel pressured to be that way.

Claire Ketchum:

So helping them trust that they know what they actually like in their life is a huge part of helping them feel at ease and not get stuck in that chronic stress loop.

Claire Ketchum:

And then the last one is to stop that negative self-chatter I'm a loser, I'm fat, nobody likes me, everybody hates me, my hair is ugly, I'm stupid, like, whatever, like all these thoughts that just get triggered every time we're stressed. And so having strategies in place that when you hear yourself start saying those things, you have ways to redirect those thoughts as to something positive that's actually going to help you stay out of the chronic stress loop. So that's the fifth habit that I help teens put into place. And when you have all of those things in place and you're not just talking about the food, it's a sort of a whole approach to helping them just be a more relaxed and calm person, because stress is going to happen no matter what and you're going to have things that happen that are horrible, and if you have ways to deal with it, then you're going to be able to have a healthy relationship with food and not just solve all your problems with gummy bears, like I did for 20 years.

Dr. Amy Moore:

Yeah, I think that it's a really important point that you're making, that there's so many different contributors to this chronic stress cycle that we get stuck in, that our kids get stuck in, and that this isn't necessarily about the food right, it manifests itself in food choices, bad food choices, right but it's really about, like, how do we get ahead of those things that are causing us stress, how to deal with those things in a healthy way, how to do things that build resilience to the stress that's inevitable, right? Obviously, having a lot of homework is going to create stress for a lot of kids. There's nothing we can do about that. So how do we build resilience to? That is what I'm hearing you say. I do want to sit in the space about the negative self-talk and negative self-chatter for a minute. Can you give our listeners maybe a couple of strategies that they can help their teens work against that fight against that negative self-talk?

Claire Ketchum:

Sure. So one of my favorite ones, because the place where we all I don't even need to say teens, because we all do it is when we look in the mirror. We sit there and start saying everything that we don't like about what we see in the mirror. For example, I miss my haircut and I'm like my hair is huge, and it's just so natural to sit there and say what you don't like and we can be really mean to ourselves. So a really great strategy is to have your teen come up with a mantra that makes them feel good about themselves and have them. So this would be something that they could add to that blueprint that I was talking about. That they could add, like all the mirror techniques. So every time they look in the mirror, they get into the habit of saying something positive about themselves. And that doesn't mean you're not going to sit there and say your hair looks bad or wow, I have a new pimple, like you're going to do that. But it breaks that habit and it's just, and you do and you look in the mirror so many times a day. It's a way that you're saying something positive about yourself, like numerous times a day. So that's one of that's one of my favorite strategies and some teens really like it and have found it really helpful. So that's a great way. I don't know if you want to ask a question about that. I can share some others as well. Yeah, keep going.

Claire Ketchum:

Another thing is to. So at the end of the day, you can have we can call them wind notes or whatever you want to call it. Or you can do a gratitude journal or something like that. So you're looking at your day as what was a great win that I had today, what's something? Or, if they don't like that word, they could do a gratitude. And some kids like to write in journals and kids love journals, and some kids would never write in a journal in their whole life. So there's lots of different ways to do it. So you could do like a jar, you could do a journal, you could do a text thread with you and your mom or you and your dad, or you and your best friend and say what was a great win for you today, and then you'd have this thread of all of these great things that happened, and so you just. It helps teens get into the habit of looking for things that went well versus all the things that were bad, that happened throughout the day. So that's a really. That's another great thing, another great way for teens to work on that habit.

Claire Ketchum:

And then a really like quick, easy one, because those thoughts are like 80 to 90% of our thoughts are negative and they're repetitive. So we say the same things to ourselves over and over again, but our brain knows that a stop sign means to stop something. And so if you have your teen, if they notice those thoughts, they can visualize a stop sign and say and then repeat a positive affirmation. So that's just an and that's a way for your brain to click in that this, we don't want to go this way, we want to go this way. And the other way they could say delete, because your brain knows what delete means Delete. I'm deleting that thought and I'm going to say this thought instead, and so that's a really quick, easy way. If your teen catches themselves in the middle of whatever they're doing, they can say delete or visualize stop sign. So that's's another simple really, and there's lots of. I could go on.

Dr. Amy Moore:

I love that one and I've used that one with teen clients Just anytime they have a negative thought. To just press the delete button seemed so natural and easy to remember to do and then I think, really working on helping teens separate the emotion that they attach to those thoughts, too right To be able to say, yeah, I noticed this negative thought coming in, but that doesn't mean I have to attach an emotion to it. Therefore, I'm just going to delete it. Yeah, yeah, I like that distinction.

Sandy Zamalis:

That's great. So I was at a professional development meeting this week and our CEO recommended a book for us and I listened to part of it in an audio book on the way home. But it's called the Gap in the Game by Dan Sullivan, and what kind of goes with what you're saying in that. The premise of the book is are you thinking in the gap or are you thinking in the game? And in the gap you're only seeing the ideal and you're measuring yourself against the ideal. So there's a gap there. But the ideal is never ending and the bar always moves. So you have to measure yourself from your gain. So you always have to measure from behind when was I yesterday and where am I today? And I just for me, that was such a good trigger. Instead of delete, I can just think am I in the gap or am I in the gain? To reframe that thinking for myself.

Sandy Zamalis:

Because it is true, I think people have a tendency to be gap thinkers or gain thinkers. Doing what I do every day as a trainer, I'm always in the gain. I'm always seeing where we were yesterday and how far we've come and we work through. But as a business owner and as a human, I'm sometimes always trying to measure myself up against an ideal that may or may not be realistic for myself. So modeling that for your teens in that thinking is really great as well, because they're just steeping in that comparison right, instead of just looking at their own internal bests. What are they doing right now? What do they love about themselves when they look in the mirror? Gosh, I love my hair today. I love this outfit and trying to retrain your brain to see the gains and not always be in that negative thought spiral loop. So I thought I'd share that because that tied right in and that was such a good book.

Claire Ketchum:

Yeah, I love that.

Claire Ketchum:

I was listening to a podcast with Scott Galloway and he was saying that teen, because he works with, he's a college professor, and so he was talking about how there's just there's so much immediate gratification that teens don't know how to work towards something and they don't know how to work on something for a couple of months and then be better at it.

Claire Ketchum:

They want to be good at things. And so he talked about his. His son is at boarding school and he said I do, he FaceTimes him and they work out together for 15 minutes and he's like because I want to show him that if he does something for 15 minutes every day, eventually he's scrawny like me, so it's not going to happen fast, but eventually he might see something on his arm and so he's like but I need to tease these teens need to know how to work towards something and that they can't be good right away and so that's in line with that book. So I thought that was a great point that he made, because there is an unrealistic expectation that you can oh, I want this, you can go on and order it and set your door in 10 minutes. Or he talks a lot about pornography and boys and things like that also, and how you're not building a relationship, you're just having a fake one. So there's also that which is not great.

Dr. Amy Moore:

Okay, so I want to talk a little bit in the last few minutes that we have about getting off that yo dieting cycle and I know that as moms that's a frequent struggle anyway and then to have our kids watch us be on a yo dieting cycle. Right, we talked about modeling and the importance of modeling positive relationships with food, but that is going to be super obvious, I would think. Right, a child is going to see a mom spend her life on a diet, a diet, on a diet, off a diet. How do we break that cycle?

Claire Ketchum:

well, I think if you are a mom and you are still in that yo cycle, then I would helping like figuring out how to break yourself out of that would be. I do have a program that I for moms that if they are still struggling with it, they can work through that program and if their teen was open to it, they could do that with their teen. But learning how to do it for yourself is an important part of having your teen get there, because if you are telling them you should really do this, but let me go over here and do it this way, that's not going to translate into a real suggestion, because teens don't do what we tell them to do. Teens do what we show them we do and that's pretty. Maybe there's a teen out there that will see the benefits, or they don't like the way. They are growing up in a very different culture right now than we did, and so there is a lot of talk amongst themselves about not dieting and not doing this, but I still, even as everything that I have done, I still, my daughter would still.

Claire Ketchum:

I think I'm going to do this cleanse. I'm like, no, you're not allowed to do cleanses. I'm like this is what you're allowed to do. You're allowed to eat less Cheez-Its today. I'm like this is what you're allowed to do, you're allowed to eat less Cheez-Its today, and that's, that's all you need to do.

Claire Ketchum:

And she was like okay, and she was always happy. Whenever I was like, no, I don't think you should do that diet, she'd be like okay, like she never bought me on it. But if I was like, yeah, that's great, let's do a juice cleanse. That sounds fabulous, then she would have been like oh okay, I guess I should be doing juice. That's great, let's do a juice cleanse. That sounds fabulous. Then she would have been like oh okay, I guess I should be doing juice cleanse. That's a good thing to do, and not that. I'm sure there are reasons that a juice cleanse could be helpful for somebody in a certain situation, but if the end goal is because I don't like the way that I look or I don't like the way that I feel in my body right now, that's not going to help you. So how? I told the five habit shifts that teens need. Moms need to make those shifts, too, for themselves if they are still having those struggles.

Dr. Amy Moore:

So is your program self-paced? Is it with you as a coach? What do your programs look like? How can our listeners find out more and work with you?

Claire Ketchum:

I have. So I have the Peaceful Eating Method, which is my program for adults, and so it is a self paced program. That that is just modules that you work through, and then there are coaching calls, and if a parent wanted to do that with their team, they could do that. I don't think there's a lot of teens who are going to sit there and listen to modules and do worksheets because they have enough of that at school. But if there was a teen who wanted to do that, maybe in the summer with a parent, they could do that together and they could do the coaching calls together. And then I have another coaching program, which is healthy habit shifts for teens, and that is where I do exactly what I said.

Claire Ketchum:

I help teens explain the chronic stress loop. We go through the stress inventory, we do a set of habit shifts for them and we build that blueprint together, because sometimes we'll pick something and the team will be like, yeah, I'm definitely going to do that, and then they don't do it once all week. And then we're like, okay, obviously that doesn't work for you, so let's find something else. And it's just that constant tweaking that, and so that's very personalized and that's just one-on-one and there's nothing for teams to do in between the sessions besides like record what they're, what they did and what they didn't do, just so that we can track it and because that's just helpful for them to have that information. And then if a teen doesn't want to track it, then I just do it for them. So that's the other thing I do. And then there's that yeah, yeah, because some teens are like, oh great, I'm gonna track it. And some teens are like I'm not doing that, I'm going to track it. And some teens are like I'm not doing that. I'm like, okay, that's fine, I'll do it for you. That's how I handle that. So I do either way whatever works better for the family. And how can they find you? So I am at claireketchumcom, so that's my website. And on the socials, I'm on Instagram at claireketchumtk. Lindsaybottomck.

Claire Ketchum:

All right, is there anything you want to leave our listeners with that you haven't gotten to say today? I think what I would love to say to all the moms out there is that if you are struggling with this yourself and you're listening to this and you're feeling maybe guilty for some of the things that you're like, wow, I've done that, I did that. I did it too. I could go back and think of a million things that I're like, wow, I've done that. I did that, I did it too. I could go back and think of a million things that I did that I shouldn't have done with my kids, around food, around how I approach things, around how I dealt with things. And it's always about what can you do, moving forward, and don't start feeling guilty about it. If you feel like maybe you didn't mess it up, you can always chart a new course and change how things are moving forward for your team.

Dr. Amy Moore:

Good advice. Claire Ketchum, thank you so much for being with us today, for sharing your wisdom and experience and expertise with our listeners. I'm sure they're going to have some immediate takeaways from the advice that you shared. Listeners, thanks for being with us today. We appreciate you listening and if you want to follow us on social media, we're at the Brainy Moms. If you'd rather see our faces, you can find us on YouTube At the Brainy Moms. You can find Sandy on TikTok at the Brain Trainer Lady. And if you love us, we would love it if you would leave us a five-star rating and review on Apple Podcasts so that we can find more parents like you to help. That is all the smart stuff we have for you today. We hope that you feel a little bit smarter. We'll catch you next time.

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