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Brainy Moms
Brainy Moms is a parenting podcast with smart ideas to help moms and kids thrive! Hosted by cognitive psychologist Dr. Amy Moore along with rotating co-hosts Sandy Zamalis, Teri Miller, and Dr. Jody Jedlicka, this weekly show features conversations and guest experts in parenting, psychology, child development, education, and medicine with practical tips to help moms navigate the ups and downs of parenthood. We're smart moms helping make moms smarter...one episode at a time!
Brainy Moms
Decoding Bedtime Battles in ADHD: Tailoring Sleep Routines for Sensory Needs | Dr. Amy Moore
Sleep struggles can feel like a nightly battle when parenting a child with ADHD. But what if the solution isn't another sticker chart or stricter routine—but understanding the unique way your child's brain processes sensory information?
Dr. Amy and Teri talk about how during a recent webinar on focus and attention for homeschooling families, one question dominated our Q&A session: "How do I help my ADHD child sleep?" This reflects a universal challenge as sleep disruption affects nearly every aspect of family life. The science explains why: children with ADHD typically experience altered sleep patterns, struggling to fall asleep, stay asleep, or sleeping for shorter durations. What many parents don't realize is that their own exhaustion and frustration at bedtime can actually make the problem worse through mirror neurons—special brain cells that make emotions contagious between people who care about each other.
The game-changer for many families starts with identifying whether your child is a sensory seeker or a sensory avoider. Sensory seekers—those kids who run laps around the house and dive into couch cushions—need additional stimulation to calm down. They benefit from weighted blankets, textured bedding, rhythmic sounds, or rocking motions. Meanwhile, sensory avoiders become overwhelmed by too much input and need darker rooms, minimal noise, and softer textures. Understanding this fundamental difference allows you to create a bedroom environment that serves as your child's sensory sanctuary.
Beyond environmental adjustments, be mindful that blue light from screens biologically blocks melatonin release, signaling to the brain that it's still daytime. This makes the no-screens-before-bed rule not arbitrary, but physiologically necessary. Quality sleep literally cleanses your child's brain, washing away toxins that accumulate during the day's neural activity. Without this cleansing process, cognitive function, emotional regulation, and learning capacity—areas where neurodivergent children already struggle—become even more challenging. By tailoring sleep routines to your child's unique sensory profile, you're not just improving nights, you're setting them up for better days and creating positive ripple effects throughout your family life.
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What are we going to talk about today?
Dr. Amy Moore:That's a great question.
Dr. Amy Moore:So we recently did a webinar. We recently did a webinar with some homeschooling families and had some really awesome questions. It was a webinar on focus and attention and we thought that you guys would want to hear some of those questions, because it's not just an isolated issue when it comes to ADHD and focus. I think we're going to do some of those most asked questions from that webinar, if that sounds good to you.
Sandy Zamalis:Yeah, I think that's great because we spent almost as much time on the Q&A as I did on the presentation.
Dr. Amy Moore:Yeah, because there were so many questions about focus and attention and the related topics that come with focus and attention, particularly for neurodivergent kids, and so, yeah, let's spend some more time on those, okay, so one of the questions that came up was how do I help my ADHD child sleep, which was a fascinating question, yeah it's interesting.
Dr. Amy Moore:I get that question almost every time I do a presentation on ADHD, and I actually have a section on sleep when I give presentations on ADHD, because it is a big issue and we know that kids with ADHD typically either fall asleep later and wake up earlier, or had a harder time falling asleep or staying asleep or all of the above right. There seems to be sleep disruption of some sort in ADHD, and so it's a big topic and I know that at the end of the day, you've been parenting sometimes what we would call a challenging child all day and you're exhausted and you're ready to go to bed as a mom or dad, and to have your child also not be ready to go to bed is frustrating, and so I think that we could start there with okay. When parents are stressed and frustrated and emotionally dysregulated at bedtime, emotions are contagious. We have these smart cells in our brains called mirror neurons. You know how when you yawn, somebody else will yawn. That's mirror neurons in action, and mirror neurons are strongest among people who care about each other. So the parent-child relationship, those mirror neurons, are going to be super strong, and so emotions are contagious. So when we're emotionally dysregulated, when we're angry or we're frustrated and we're exhausted and that's showing we can't regulate our own emotions because our child won't go to bed or stay in bed, then that's going to dysregulate our child and make the bedtime routine that much more challenging. So it starts with us.
Dr. Amy Moore:We have to be willing to recognize A that bedtime takes a little bit more effort, no matter what when we have a neurodivergent child, and so we just have to build that into our day as okay.
Dr. Amy Moore:This is just like the breakfast routine. This is just like the homeschool lessons that we might be doing or driving to school or going to afterschool activities. This is just like dinner time or you know that family time after dinner. Bedtime is yet another part of our day and not the very end of our day that we can just rush through, get in bed so that we can then collapse. So I think it starts with this little bit of a mindset shift as parents that if we want bedtime to be more successful, we have to come into it with this commitment of saying I know this is going to be a hard hour, but this is my opportunity to continue connecting with my child and maybe the closest connection I have with my child all day. And so what can I do right to strengthen the connection of my child while at the same time getting through the bedtime routine, so that we all in the day emotionally regulated?
Dr. Amy Moore:You had brought up a great point during the webinar and that you said you have to know as a parent if your child is a sensory seeker or sensory avoider. Will that affect the kind of routine that you put together to help them have that successful bedtime?
Sandy Zamalis:Yeah, absolutely Neurodivergent kids, kids with ADHD, struggle with sensory issues, sensory processing issues, and so the patterns the two main patterns that we see in sensory processing are that we have sensory seeking people or sensory avoiding people. So for children who are sensory seekers these are the kids who run laps around the house. These are the kids who run laps around the house. These are the kids who literally take a running dive into the couch cushions. They are seeking proprioceptive input from the environment, so input that their bodies will receive in some way, whether that's through you know, touch, sight, feel, taste, sound. They are seeking additional input because they have either been under-stimulated throughout the day they haven't had an opportunity maybe to move their bodies enough throughout that day or they simply just need more sensory input. And so those kids will have a harder time going to bed. They will have a harder time calming down if they haven't had enough sensory input. And those are the kids who would benefit from a weighted blanket being wrapped up in a burrito with pressure Like that. Pressure therapy presses the brakes on the sympathetic nervous system response and helps calm kids down. These are kids who would really benefit from a swing in their room or a rocking chair so that during reading time, at bedtime they could be rocking or swinging, they would benefit from a crunchy or chewy snack. A crunchy or chewy snack, because that's stronger sensory input. So I know a lot of kids have a bedtime snack, and so that's a great way to give them some of that sensory input. These are kids who want bold flavors of toothpaste right, they want they're going to choose watermelon toothpaste, for example, and so if we can meet their sensory needs in those small ways, those ways are cumulative and so we want to make sure that they've had enough gross motor activities that day. Some outdoor time is critical if the weather permits, but again, those other ideas that I just gave for bedtime.
Sandy Zamalis:These are also kids who might benefit from a sound machine that's rhythmic. So a sound machine that's doing waves, for example, that's a rhythm that's predictable. Now I will say this with caution. Some sound machines operate at a frequency that stimulates the central nervous system, I'm sorry, the sympathetic nervous system. Let me just say that sentence again. Some sound machines operate on a frequency that can stimulate our sympathetic nervous system, so we want to just be careful and watch our child's response to that. But they might benefit from sound machines, from music, some quiet music in their room.
Dr. Amy Moore:I was going to say that's what my son always loved, even from when he was teeny tiny. Yeah.
Sandy Zamalis:Lights. They're the ones that might do well with the solar system stickers on the ceiling. So there's something to look at, that sensory input, so anytime. And their rooms can be full of things right, because as they're relaxing and getting ready for bed, they can be looking around and seeing their stuffed toys, their Lego sets, from what they've created earlier in the day right, they can have things in their room. Their blankets could have textures like minky dots, right, something to feel, and so that's a great way to meet the sensory needs of kids who are sensory seekers. But then we also have kids who are sensory avoiders, and those are kids who can be overstimulated throughout the day, and when they're overstimulated throughout the day, you might see emotion dysregulation at bedtime, because they really need the opposite, and so these are kids who would benefit from a darker room, a room that has bedding that's very soft.
Sandy Zamalis:We want to cut the tags out of their pajamas because they're very sensitive to texture, and so just the tag alone can be. That itchiness of the tag can be annoying enough to throw a child into fight or flight. These are kids that may or may not benefit from pressure therapy, so it would need to be lighter. So instead of a weighted blanket, maybe one of those weighted stuffed animals? Have you seen that? They're amazing. My youngest child still has a weighted stuffed animal in his bed and he's in college. So a weighted lap pad or a weighted stuffed animal might be useful for sensory avoiders. So they're the ones that probably don't want a sound machine in their room. They're probably ones that don't want lights, noises. They're not going to want a diffuser with essential oils, whereas a sensory seeker might, and their bedtime routine might be a quiet story with you, but not in a rocking chair, not in a swing. So we want to lower the sensory input. Their toothpaste would be a milder flavor and they might be overstimulated by a battery operated toothbrush. Just the vibration alone of a batteryated toothbrush might be too much for them, whereas your sensory seekers that's a great sensory input. So having conversations with our kids around their rooms and their room design and their bedtime routines is super important, especially for kids who are ages six and up, who can begin to articulate.
Sandy Zamalis:What is it that I'm feeling right now? And hey, would you want to pick out your own toothpaste Watch and see which kind they pick out from the store? Do you want to pick out a toothbrush. Watch and see, and then watch and see their response to using those types of things. Watch and see their response to clutter in their room, right. So a sensory seeker probably won't mind the clutter, but a sensory avoider will need everything to be put away or things to be in their place. Some kids want their sheets and blankets tucked in around them, but sensory avoiders may not. I know if my sheet is too tight on my feet then I can't fall asleep. I need it loose so that it isn't putting pressure on me or they want like just a sheet, something really light, versus something heavy like a comforter.
Dr. Amy Moore:Yeah, so having so I would imagine this is really hard as a parent, because some of that from a parent battle would be orderliness. What are your sensory needs at the end of the day and can? If you've got multiple children and they've got different sensory needs, then how are you setting up that routine so that you're meeting each one individually? What are some suggestions you have for mom or dad to try to figure that out?
Sandy Zamalis:I think that we as parents have to manage our own expectations and recognize that our rooms should be our safe haven, right Like we create our own bedrooms to match what our sensory needs and desires are right. And so we need to recognize that our children might not have the same sensory needs that we have, and that's okay, and to recognize that one room may be the only room in the house that lowers the temperature on emotion dysregulation for our kids. That is their space, and so not only should they be allowed to help create that space and design that space, but that's a really amazing gift that we can give our child if we allow that space to be something that meets their exact needs, not our needs. And if that means there's more in that room than we would like in our room, that's okay, because it's not our room, it's theirs, and so they still get to follow house rules. Things need to be picked up once a week or they have to be vacuumed or dusted once a week, whatever the house rules are. But in terms of how much is in there and how neat and orderly it is, I think we can individualize that and say, hey, this is a gift that I can give to my child and then recognize our goal is for them to have restorative sleep, and when they get restorative sleep we get restorative sleep. So it's a gift to us too when we can do all that we can to meet their needs.
Sandy Zamalis:What about supplements? Yeah, so I just want to preface my answer by saying that I am a PhD psychologist, so not an MD physician, so I can't give specific recommendations to parents on supplements. What I can say is to talk to your child's pediatrician about supplements that might be helpful. Once we've tried all of these other things, so once we've met their sensory needs and really worked on curating a bedtime routine that matches their sensory needs and it still seems to not be enough then maybe ask what melatonin, what the recommendation for melatonin might be.
Sandy Zamalis:Melatonin is not a drug. It's a hormone that our brain releases naturally, and so it's just boosting that process because maybe that hasn't, maybe melatonin hasn't naturally been released at bedtime, and so you're just helping it along. One thing I will say about melatonin is that blue light from screens inhibits the release of melatonin, so when the brain senses blue light near the face, it thinks that it's still daylight, so it doesn't release melatonin. That signals the brain, which then signals the body it's time to go to sleep. So it's important that we don't have screens on within an hour before bedtime so that melatonin release happens. So that isn't a rule that's arbitrary. That rule is physiological.
Dr. Amy Moore:That's a really good way to put it, because that was going to be. My next question was what about screens? How do we get our kids, especially young kids? It's a little bit easier to control, older kids it's a little bit harder. But being able to explain it in that biological way, yes, you need to turn the blue house so that your brain can tell itself it's time to go to sleep. How early is too early to begin having these conversations?
Dr. Amy Moore:As you were talking, I was thinking like, honestly, if I think back now in hindsight, my babies told me that, like my son needed music, my son needed the light on, my son needed lots of extra pieces to his routine. And then my daughter came along and she wanted nothing to do with any of us and I couldn't get her to go to sleep. And then one night I was frustrated and I literally just put her in bed. I was like I don't really know what to do. You're going to cry, but I think she was sensory avoidant. It was making her too hot or who knows what was happening. But that stinker went to sleep in her crib. And that is my two kids the sensory seeker versus the sensory avoider. So I think you have to just watch, like you were saying. That is my two kids, the sensory seeker versus the sensory avoider. Yeah, so I think you have to just watch, like you were saying.
Sandy Zamalis:Yeah, and all behavior is communication. Yeah, all behavior is communication. And so you can see toddlers tell you through their behavior that these pajamas are too itchy, or this tag is bothering me, or this blanket is too heavy. You can see, when they've learned to walk and now they're running laps around the house and throwing themselves into the couch cushions, that they are seeking sensory input. And so we can watch for those early signs and then begin to experiment with their environment and their bedtime routine and then see what the results are, even if they don't have the language to articulate. This is what I'm feeling, this is what I'm seeking. We can still go off of their behavior for clues for sure.
Dr. Amy Moore:I feel like this is such a newer kind of thought concept in the grand scheme of things, because I know it's not something my parents thought about before me. Yeah, and I think maybe even modeling it as a parent and figuring out what your bedtime routine really needs to be might be a place to start to just even think internally. Like I think it would take a little extra mental effort for me to like actually think about that. I don't know that I ever have Wow, like I literally just live my day and then crash.
Sandy Zamalis:That's so funny. I am a sensory avoid, okay. So these things have been very obvious to me my whole life, and so then it was a little easier for me to recognize them in my own children and then began to make sense of it when we started looking at sleep issues with kids with ADHD for sure, because I am ADHD, for those of you who don't remember, yeah, For the kids who really struggle to get a good night's sleep.
Dr. Amy Moore:What would be some tips? You've done all the things, you have a schedule, you've thought about their sensory needs, but they're just still struggling. What would you share with moms and dads?
Sandy Zamalis:Yeah, I think when you've done all the things, then it might be time to seek out a pediatric sleep specialist or a psychologist who specializes in a special kind of cognitive behavioral therapy called CBTI, which is cognitive behavioral therapy dash insomnia and they may have some additional strategies for identifying what might be causing the sleep problems.
Sandy Zamalis:Identifying what might be causing the sleep problems Many times there might be fear and anxiety happening during the day that is creating this fight or flight pattern in the brain, and so it's very difficult to shut that pattern off at night.
Sandy Zamalis:And for a child who is experiencing anxiety maybe school anxiety, health anxiety they will begin worrying about the next day, the night before, and so that is certainly a common sleep disruptor. So a little bit of therapy can help identify if that's what's happening. And then some strategies for working on the anxiety that might be experiencing at bedtime. One of the strategies that I use with adult clients who are experiencing anxiety at bedtime is to schedule their worry time, and bedtime is not a great time to worry because we do need to sleep, and so I tell them hey, you need to pick an hour during the day or early in the evening when you can sit down with your worries and try to reason through some of the alternatives and options, but that's harder to do with kids, especially young kids. Their prefrontal cortex isn't fully developed, they can't necessarily hold all of the alternatives in their mind at the same time, especially if they have working memory deficits, and so they may need some additional strategies specific to kids.
Dr. Amy Moore:Do parents need to consider the medication side effect factor if their child is on medication for ADHD and how it's impacting sleep?
Sandy Zamalis:if their child is on medication for ADHD and how it's impacting sleep. Sure, there are lots of different side effects that kids experience. Some central nervous system stimulants actually make kids drowsy, but some do cause sleep disruption too. So if the child is on medication, that could certainly be something that you look at. Hey, how late in the day are we taking medication? And if we back that up, does that help? So experimenting with that might be something to talk to the pediatrician about as well.
Dr. Amy Moore:When we need to think about this. Maybe this would be a good last point to end, on, other than our own sanity as parents and the sleeping piece, sleep is really important for our kids and learning, so why don't we end there on this topic, about why we need to figure this piece of the puzzle out for them?
Sandy Zamalis:Yeah, the brain is just an amazing organ, isn't it? So sleep actually cleanses the brain. The way it works is that during the day we use up neurotransmitters those are the chemical messengers that help our neurons communicate and as we use up those neurotransmitters, they leave behind toxins, and so sleep actually helps cleanse those toxins that do build up during the day, and it does that by releasing cerebrospinal fluid that washes the brain, and so it's like putting our brain through a car wash, and so if we aren't getting restorative sleep, then our brain can't go through that cleansing process and those toxins begin to build up. And when they build up, then our neurons can't communicate as effectively and it can have other neurological impacts with long-term sleep problems. But from day to day, one night of poor sleep can impact thinking and learning the next day in the classroom, it can impact dopamine receptor sensitivity, it can impact emotion regulation ability.
Dr. Amy Moore:So there are, there's a domino effect to not getting enough sleep factor just becomes all that much more important because we don't want to set them up for failure on that learning cycle because it's already harder for them. Like when we can take all of this understanding and develop a little bit of empathy for our child's struggle, then maybe that can help regulate his motions tomorrow so that his dopamine receptors are more sensitive, so that his reward pathway works better, so that he can think and learn and focus and remember better.
Sandy Zamalis:That has a domino effect, too right. It then impacts the whole entire family when our child's brain is working more optimally from the benefit of the sleep the night before. So then when we come at bedtime we can say, okay, what does my child need in order to maximize his sleep quality, which will then increase our connection and increase the quality of our family time as well and don't be afraid to set boundaries.
Dr. Amy Moore:I would think as a parent and make it a huge priority for everyone that everyone figures out what's best for them in the sleep department.
Sandy Zamalis:Yeah, absolutely, and we've talked about Matt saying that fair doesn't mean everyone gets the same thing. Fair means everyone gets what they need, and so everyone has different needs at bedtime, as we talked about, and so being able to work through what all those individual needs are is part of that process of saying I'm going to be fair because I'm meeting the needs of my individual children.
Dr. Amy Moore:Yeah, I think we answered that question and hopefully that was super helpful to you. It's a nuanced question. You're an individual child. You get to be the investigator who figure out what works best for them. Yeah, but hopefully you got some ideas and some tips and tools to help you on that process.
